Closer to the people in your life

Step 1: The friend you keep meaning to contact. Two lines, now. It lands better than you think.

• Friends

  Send the message you're not sending

  The friend you've been meaning to contact: two lines, now. Thought of you, no need to reply.

  1 minEvidence: decent

Step 2: Next time, ring. It feels more awkward before than it is.

• Friends

  Call, don't text

  The friend you're overdue with: ring them, or video, instead of typing. Today.

  10 minEvidence: decent

Step 3: Same people, same time, on repeat. Friendships run on hours, not intentions.

• Friends

  A standing slot with friends

  Same people, same time, every week or two. Football, a walk, a pub, a game. Put it in the calendar as a repeat.

  2 hours a weekEvidence: worth trying

Step 4: One real question before you talk about yourself.

• Relationships

  Ask a follow-up before you offer anything

  When they tell you something, ask one real question about it before you say anything about yourself.

  no timeEvidence: decent

Step 5: When your partner points something out, look up. Three seconds.

• Relationships

  Answer the small stuff

  When your partner points something out, a bird, a headline, a thing about their day, look up and say something. Three seconds.

  no timeEvidence: worth trying

Step 6: One question only they could answer. Not "how are you".

• Family

  Ask your brother one specific question

  Send your brother or sister one question they can answer in a line. Not "how are you". Something only they would know.

  2 minEvidence: worth trying

Step 7: Five minutes a day where your kid picks and you follow.

• Family

  Five minutes where they lead

  Once a day, five minutes with your kid doing whatever they pick. You follow, describe what they're doing, no questions, no phone, no teaching.

  5 minEvidence: decent