How to do it
- Pick the friend you're overdue with. Ring, don't type. The old-friend test compared a call with an email.
- Expect it to be less awkward than it feels beforehand. People got that forecast wrong.
- A video call counts. With strangers, video chat felt closer than text chat too.
- Keep the texts for ticking over. Two lines still does that job between calls.
Why you pick the text
- Your forecastexpects it to be awkward
People predicted a phone call would be more awkward than an email.
- Your choicegoes to the typed one
Given the choice, they picked email.
- The callfeels closer
In a field test with an old friend, people who called felt more connected than people who emailed.
- Youfind it was fine
The call was no more awkward than the email. That the fear, not the call, steers the choice is my reading.
Why it works
People expect a phone call to be more awkward than a typed message, and lean towards typing. Evidence: decent In a field experiment, people reconnecting with an old friend by phone felt more connected than those who emailed, and it was no more awkward than the email. Evidence: decent The forecast was off, and it picked the weaker option. Evidence: worth trying
A text is fine for keeping someone ticking over; that's send the message. This one is for the friend you're overdue with, where a voice may do more than two lines. Evidence: worth trying
The long readEvery step of the chain, each study with its numbers, and what's still unproven. 2 min read.
What happens in your brain
This chain is behaviour, not brain areas.
You expect it to be awkward. Across the studies, people predicted a call would be more awkward than an email. Evidence: decent
So you pick the typed one. Given the choice, they chose email. Evidence: decent
The call feels closer. In the field experiment, people got back in touch with an old friend either by phone or by email. Those who called felt more connected. Evidence: decent
And it was fine. The call was no more awkward than the email. Evidence: decent That the fear of awkwardness is what steers people to email is my reading of the two findings together, not something shown. Evidence: worth trying
The proof
- In a field experiment, people reconnecting with an old friend by phone felt more connected than those who used email, and no more awkward. Evidence: decent
- Across the paper's studies, people predicted a call would be more awkward and chose email. Some of those studies used strangers, not friends. Evidence: decent
- Across the media tested, anything with a voice (phone, video chat, voice chat) felt closer than typing (email, text chat), and no more awkward. Evidence: decent
- I don't have the exact number of people or the size of the effect, so I haven't printed them.
How to do it
- Pick the friend you're overdue with. Ring them instead of typing. The old-friend test compared a call with an email. Evidence: decent
- Expect it to go less awkwardly than it feels beforehand. People got that forecast wrong. Evidence: decent
- A video call counts. In the studies with strangers, video chat felt closer than text chat too. Evidence: decent
- Keep the texts for between calls. Two lines still does that job.
Watch out
The old-friend test compared phone with email. Video and text chat were tested with strangers, not friends. Evidence: decent It measured how one conversation felt, not whether the friendship lasted. Evidence: decent