Researchers call this emotion coaching: noticing what the child feels and putting a word on it. In a trial in Melbourne, 162 fathers of four-year-olds were randomly assigned to seven group sessions on it, or not. Six months later those fathers said they did more of it, and that their kids had fewer behaviour problems. Partners and teachers saw the kids improve in both groups, so the behaviour change rests on the fathers' word. Evidence: worth trying
One trial, one city. And it was seven sessions of practice, not one line remembered in the moment. The line on its own hasn't been tested. Evidence: worth trying
Naming the feeling isn't giving in. The tablet still goes off. You're just saying out loud that you noticed. It's the same move as naming your own, pointed at them.
Same theme: With the kids
With the kids
Catch the surge, not the shout
Learn the first sign your temper is climbing: jaw, hands, voice. When it comes, stop mid-sentence and do the double breath before you say another word.
1 minEvidence: worth trying
With the kids
Five minutes where they lead
Once a day, five minutes with your kid doing whatever they pick. You follow, describe what they're doing, no questions, no phone, no teaching.
5 minEvidence: decent
With the kids
Pick the one rule you'll actually hold
Pick one rule for this week. Agree the wording with your partner if you have one. Say it the same way and follow through the same way every time, tired or not.
5 minEvidence: decent