Don't aim at not shouting. Once you're shouting, it's too late to aim. Aim at whatever comes just before it for you: jaw, hands, heat in the face, your voice getting louder. Learn your one sign.
When you catch it, stop talking, even mid-sentence. Do the double breath, then decide what to say. Nobody has tested this exact sequence with parents. Evidence: worth trying
A much-quoted study on shouting is about teenagers. In 976 two-parent families, shouting and harsh words from parents at 13 predicted more acting up and more low mood at 14, and warmth the rest of the time didn't cancel it out. Evidence: decent It ran both ways, too: kids acting up drew more harsh words. So it's a spiral that can start from either end, and it says nothing directly about a five-year-old. It also means you can step out of it from your end.
If the anger is turning physical, or it frightens you or the kids, or you're afraid of what you'll do next, step out of the room. Then get help from a doctor or a parenting support line.
Same theme: With the kids
With the kids
Five minutes where they lead
Once a day, five minutes with your kid doing whatever they pick. You follow, describe what they're doing, no questions, no phone, no teaching.
5 minEvidence: decent
With the kids
Pick the one rule you'll actually hold
Pick one rule for this week. Agree the wording with your partner if you have one. Say it the same way and follow through the same way every time, tired or not.
5 minEvidence: decent
With the kids
Rough play, then a landing
Wrestle or chase at their pace. Stop the moment they say stop, every time. Then land it together. Sit, slow down, a drink of water, before anything else.
10 minEvidence: worth trying