Monday morning, and nowhere to be. You were made redundant, or let go. Someone asks what you do, and there's no short answer any more.
The wage is the obvious loss. A researcher called Jahoda listed five other things work gives you without saying so: a shape to the day, people to see outside your home, being part of something bigger than you, a place in the world, and something to do. In a German survey of about a thousand people, those in work had more of them than people out of work. Evidence: decent It's a snapshot, so it shows a link, not a cause. But it explains why the first free Monday feels nothing like a day off.
The dip in mood is real. Across hundreds of studies, people out of work had worse mental health, and about a third scored as having a mental health problem on standard questionnaires, against about one in six people in work. Evidence: solid Men, and people in manual jobs, were hit harder. Evidence: decent Much of it lifts with a new job: in a review of 38 long-term studies, people back in work had fewer symptoms than those still looking. Evidence: decent The authors rate their own certainty as low, so treat that as a rough guide. Still, "losing your job marks you for life" is not what the studies point to.
Some of what gets quoted is oversold. Job-search courses do get people into work Evidence: solid, but the lift to mood was mostly in people already at high risk of depression. Evidence: decent The writing study people quote is one small trial from 1994. Evidence: worth trying The weak-ties finding, that people you know a bit help more than close friends, comes from LinkedIn, and in less digital industries close contacts did more. Evidence: decent And exercise eases depression Evidence: solid, but those trials weren't on people out of work. Evidence: worth trying
The first week
Find out the real numbers, give the days a shape, and put the anger on paper before you start on the CV. The money side in full: Money and stress.
Stress and nerves
Open the one you're avoiding
Pick the one letter, email or app you've been avoiding. Write down the number you think is in it. Open it now.
5 minEvidence: worth trying
Purpose
Give the week its old shape
Set the alarm for your old work time. Be dressed and out of the door within the hour, even if it's only round the block. Then give each weekday one fixed thing.
every weekdayEvidence: worth trying
Purpose
Write about the loss before the CV
Before you touch the CV, write for yourself about losing the job: what happened, what you're angry about, what worries you. Not to send. Twenty minutes a day, five days running.
20 minEvidence: worth trying
The search
Structured help with the search has the best evidence of anything here. Evidence: solid Run it like a job, with hours, and ask the people you half know.
Purpose
Search in blocks, then stop
Give the search fixed hours, mornings are fine. Before each block, write the one thing it's for: three applications, one phone call, one CV rewrite. When the hours are up, stop.
a morningEvidence: worth trying
Purpose
Ask for an introduction, not a job
List people you know a bit, not only your closest friends: old colleagues, clients, suppliers, a neighbour. Message one today. Ask who you should talk to, not whether they're hiring.
10 minEvidence: worth trying
The rest of what work gave you
The wage comes back with the next job. People, a reason to get up and a reason to move can come back sooner. None of these has been tested on people out of work. Evidence: worth trying The longer read: What you're for.
Purpose
Book a standing shift, not a favour
In the first month after a role ends, sign up for one weekly shift somewhere that will notice if you don't turn up. A rota, not a favour.
2 hours a weekEvidence: decent
Friends
Add a friend at the big changes
New job, a move, a baby, retirement. In the first three months, pick one person from the new setting and suggest something specific. Then again a fortnight later.
10 minEvidence: worth trying
Purpose
Mentor one named person
Pick one younger person by name: at work, in your trade, in the family. Offer them an hour a month and ask what they're stuck on.
1 hour a monthEvidence: worth trying
Body
Move hard three times a week
Run, lift, cycle, a sport. Hard enough to sweat. Three sessions, any length over twenty minutes.
30 min, 3x a weekEvidence: solid
The people at home
Tell them early and plainly. Keep the money for a talk you've booked, and say the actual number to at least one person.
Low mood after losing a job is common, and much of it lifts once there's work again. Evidence: decent If it's gone on for weeks, ask yourself the two questions. If it's more flat than low: Feeling flat.
If the debt has gone past what you can see a way through, talk to a free, independent debt advice service. Not one that charges you, and not one selling you a loan.
If you've had thoughts of not wanting to be here, call your local emergency number (112 in the EU) or a crisis line: findahelpline.com.
Family
Tell them in one sentence, soon
Tell your partner today, in one plain sentence: "I've lost my job. I don't have the whole plan yet. Let's go through the money together this week." Then tell the kids, in words for their age.
5 minEvidence: worth trying
Relationships
Book the money talk, don't spring it
Don't raise money the moment a bill lands or a purchase shows up. Say "Can we go through money on Sunday, half an hour?" Then keep to it.
30 minEvidence: worth trying
Stress and nerves
Say the number to one person
Tell one person you trust the actual figure you owe or are short by. Not "things are tight". The number.
5 minEvidence: worth trying