Friction between your parent and your partner puts you in the middle. The pull is to settle all of it in one conversation, with a list. A list sounds like a verdict, and the other person defends everything on it.
One specific thing, with an example from this week, can be heard. "When you moved everything in our kitchen on Sunday" is one thing. "You've never respected us" is a list.
Nobody has tested this with in-laws. It's the plain way to keep one problem from becoming three. Evidence: worth trying
Same theme: Parents and in-laws
Parents and in-laws
Ask about their life, and write it down
Next time you're with your mother or father, ask one question about their life you can't answer yourself. Write down what they said that evening.
15 minEvidence: worth trying
Parents and in-laws
Don't count the calls
Stop measuring how often you call your parents. On the next call, ask about one specific thing and hear the whole answer.
no timeEvidence: worth trying
Parents and in-laws
Expect the mixed feeling
After a call or a visit with a parent that left you irritated, tell yourself one line: "Both. I love them and they annoy me." Then leave it there.
no timeEvidence: worth trying