How to do it
- Write it the same day, while you still have the exact words.
- One line: the date, who was there, their exact words. The words, not what you think they meant.
- No commentary. The commentary is the replay again.
- On your own phone or paper, not a work device. It's your record, not the company's.
How the log helpsTap a word for what it means
- RuminationRuminationGoing over the same worry, mistake or bad feeling again and again without moving towards a fix. It feels like problem-solving but usually isn't.Read morereplays the scene
Going over it again brings no new information. In experiments with people already low, it deepened the low mood and made problem-solving worse.
- Concretesticks to what happened
In three experiments, people trained to think about events in concrete terms were less upset by a later failure than people trained into abstract "why" thinking.
- The logdate and words only
One line of facts is concrete by design. That keeping it works like the training did is a guess.
- Youa record, less replay
If you raise it, you have specifics instead of a feeling. Whether a log cuts the replay hasn't been tested.
Why it works
A log does two things. It keeps the story out: the date and the words, not what you think they meant, which is the replay again. And if you decide to raise it, you have specifics instead of a feeling.
What actually helps the person on the receiving end is thinly researched, and that includes this. Evidence: worth trying
The long readEvery step of the chain, each study with its numbers, and what's still unproven. 2 min read.
What happens in your brain
This chain is behaviour, not brain areas. The last two steps are my reasoning.
The replay. Going over the same scene again and again, with no new information and no decision at the end, is rumination. In experiments with people who were already low, it deepened the low mood, made their thinking more negative and made problem-solving worse. Evidence: decent
Concrete beats abstract. Repeated thinking isn't all bad. What seems to matter is how you think: concrete and specific, or abstract and evaluative ("why does this always happen to me"). Evidence: decent In three experiments, people trained to think about events concretely were less upset by a later failure than people trained into the abstract style. Evidence: decent
The log is concrete by design. Date, who was there, exact words. That writing it that way works like the training did is a guess. Evidence: worth trying
You get a record. If you raise it, you have dates and words, not "they're always like this". Whether the log also cuts the replay hasn't been tested. Evidence: worth trying
The proof
- Being belittled again and again at work goes with worse mental and physical health, with symptoms of post-traumatic stress (the stress reactions that can follow a frightening event), and with burnout. That's across 66 samples and 77,721 people. Those studies took one snapshot in time, so they show the two go together, not which causes which. Evidence: solid
- In 13 samples of 62,916 people followed over time, bullying went with more mental health problems later. Mental health problems at the start also went with more reports of bullying later. It runs both ways. Evidence: decent
- In three lab experiments, people trained into concrete thinking reacted less to a failure than people trained into abstract thinking. Evidence: decent
How to do it
- Write it down the same day.
- One line each time: the date, who was there, their exact words.
- No commentary.
- Keep it on your own phone or paper, not a work device.
Watch out
The lab experiments trained a way of thinking; nobody has tested a log at work. Evidence: worth trying
Serious or repeated mistreatment can be raised with HR, a union or independent employment advice. If it's gone on for weeks and your sleep or mood has gone with it, see your doctor. That's a normal reason to go.